Relationships come, stay, and then change. The help he gave me came at the cost of expectations I could not deliver. Another doesn't want to marry me, which I could have expected, but yearned just the same. I still love him as a friend til the end of time. The women in my life remain a constant, still the same I want to run, to move away, to start again. Maybe I'll find the love I seek, not in friends but romantically, if the digits of my area code drastically changed and I transformed with the numbers on my mailing address. Maybe I would find you there, I am always writing to you, but who are you? A figment of my desires. A translation of media that has transcended my dreams: the one, the divine, and to some respects the holy. In tarot I keep pulling the Hermit and wonder if it is time to board my windows and open my books, to really open my heart to prayer and learn the true value in silence. No person can replace God, and I fear I barely know him. Perhaps if I learned all His names instead of calling him by yours, he would afford me you. After all you have to know thyself to love another, and we are all are mirrors to the clouds, which refract in rainbows, the rainbows that stay when my friends leave my physical space. Oh I love them dearly.